A bad day?

One of the tombs in the graveyard

One of the tombs in the graveyard

So far this week things had been going well. I’d been up early every morning to do my morning pages, I’d got out for a 3k run or walk every evening (5k last night) and I’d managed to spend the evenings working reasonably constructively.

Then this morning I had a slight lie-in because hubby was working from home and so didn’t have to get up, and my morning pages book was downstairs, so it got neglected. I still hadn’t done any of the exercises anyway.

During the day I started reading posts from others in the group about the wonderful breakthroughs they’ve made and experiences they’ve had, and I started to feel really grumpy.

I was tired, I’d just taken in another book to beta read that I’ve promised feedback on by tomorrow night, I’d just started reading a really gripping YA novel, my legs were aching, hubby was at home so throwing all my evening routines out and I really, really didn’t want to go out for a walk or run tonight.

That was when alarm bells started ringing, and I began to realise that this is what it’s all about: those moments when you either push against the slight resistance and make yourself do something or you give in, take the easy route and next time it’s so much easier to give in again.

So when I got home, I put on my trainers and went out for a walk. No headphones, nothing to listen to, just me and the road. I had my phone with me to measure the distance, and also as a camera, but nothing else.

And the thoughts started coming. What if… what I was thinking was… Now I understand what I’m trying to get at… I really want to write that story…

I guess it was a kind of an extra mini-artist’s date that sort of snuck itself in. I hadn’t planned it, I didn’t particularly want it, but once I was there it was very welcome.

As I’m trying to follow the idea of a mile a day, I extended my route slightly to wander through the local churchyard, where a footpath leads through to the field beyond. Then home, then time to cook dinner, then time to finally stop fighting and start doing some of the Artist’s Way exercises. Because the more I try to fight against it, the more I feel I need it.

Will I make any major breakthroughs and suddenly find my creative side? I don’t know yet. But I do know I learned something important about pushing myself beyond what I feel comfortable doing and receiving rewards accordingly.

A bad day? It could have been. I could have come in, collapsed on the sofa instead of going out, and spent the evening feeling lazy and guilty and deciding there’s no point in even trying. But I didn’t, and I feel stronger for it.