Why can’t I have it all?

I keep thinking about how I can’t do everything, and so hold back because I’m not sure where I should commit my effort to. But who says I can’t have it all?  Oh I know I’m very unlikely to become a published writer if I’m not devoted to writing and spending all my spare time writing.  But that doesn’t mean I can’t write – in fact I’ve just published the start of my first fanfiction story in a few years.  Time will tell whether it gets many readers, but I can still enjoy writing it.  Not all writing has to be with financial gain in mind. There are many ways to make money.  There are fewer ways to get the buzz that comes from writing.

I’m also unlikely to create a best selling game, but if I can inspire others to develop their ideas, and can provide enough of a nudge to get them started, then it’s worth developing my skills.  And again, the challenge is enough to provide satisfaction, however far I get.

My art work is unlikely to make it to any gallery.  But it can provide a chance to relax and unwind, and of all the different media I try I’ll figure out what I enjoy best.

I’m never going to be an electronics expert, but I can learn enough to understand how things work, and have fun doing it.

I’m never going to be an olympic runner, or win races, but I can take part in group runs and solo runs and enjoy the feeling of my fitness improving.

All these things can be enjoyed without worrying about being able to achieve at a high level, and will offer pleasure, without ruling out any of the others.  Sure, I won’t be an expert in any of them, but as time goes on, I’ll start working out what goes best and I’ll gradually drop one or two to the benefit of what’s left, and in that way I will figure out for myself where my efforts should be committed best.

I have a couple of quotations I found on my desk today – The path to our destination is not always a straight one.  We go down the wrong road, we get lost, we turn back.  Maybe it doesn’t matter which road we embark on. Maybe what matters is that we embark. … and…. Because you are in control of your life.  Don’t ever forget that.  You are what you are because of the conscious and subconscious choices you have made.  Both quotes from Barbara Hall.

I was drawn to these because they seem to be saying the same as my heart is saying right now.  It doesn’t matter so much what you do.  What matters is that you do something, and preferably do it thoroughly.  It’s far easier to correct a path that’s going wrong than to tell whether a path is right or not before venturing out on it.

My favourite way to make a decision is to toss a coin.  Not because I’m happy to leave decision making to a random act of fate, but because having allowed the decision to be made I can allow myself to respond to the reaction I feel to that and change it if needed.

I’m not going to make new year’s resolutions about posting a picture a day for the year, or writing 100k words in 100 days, or writing a blog post a day, or drawing or painting a picture every day.  But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to do any of those things.  I’m just not going to make a public commitment that I then fail to keep and abandon completely.  I will, however, resolve to continue with anything that interests me and develops my thinking and creativity.

One thing that does mean is that I need to make the most of my time.  If I want to be able to do all these different things, I can’t also waste time staring at the TV, or idly surfing the web, or any of the 1001 things that tempt me away from constructive use of my time.

My main intention this year is to learn the lesson that life keeps throwing at me – maybe if I prove I’ve finally learnt it, then life won’t keep throwing it at me again and again and again.  I am in control of my own destiny, and if I don’t direct it then I won’t get where I want to be.  I once read a book called the Case of the Backward Mule, which focused on a statue of a man riding a mule sitting on it backwards, because it doesn’t matter where you go, it just matters how you travel.  But sometimes it does matter where you go, and you just need to turn round, sit properly, take the reins and stop allowing others to control your life for you.


Leave a comment


  1. Where are you publishing your fanfiction honey? Would love to read 🙂


  2. Check my next post for details 😉 It’s fun to write a story and blog about it as I write it. Boy is my writing becoming meta writing (writing about writing)!


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