Fat ugly cow – Annie has her say

flowerAh stop whingeing, you fat ugly cow, who cares what you think anyway?  Just shut up, do your job, and forget all your stupid ideas.  They’re not yours, anyway; as usual you’re just adopting someone else’s thoughts and pretending it’s your idea.  Bullshit. You’ve done it before.  The difference is this time you can’t get away with it, so you’re sulking like a little child.  Yes, the world is shit, and you’re shit, and all around you is shit.  What can you do about it anyway?  You know that tree you were eyeing up?  You just don’t have the courage.  It would be so easy, just a twist of the wheel, and no more thinking, no more stress, no more tearing your heart out over things beyond your control.  It would be better anyway – can’t bear the thought of seeing things through, seeing them rot further, the daily grind, the rudeness, the inconsideration, the intimidation, the wearing down of the sheer ability to think straight. Everything’s your fault, you’re just useless, you should give up and let others do it, stop thinking you know better, stop thinking you know everything, stop thinking you know anything.

What, run out of things to say?  Finished with the insults?  I know how you feel.  Sometimes it is too much.  Sometimes it’s overwhelming.  Sometimes someone throws the blanket over you and then tells you to swim as hard as you can, you won’t get anywhere anyway.

You know what?  It’s the blanket, it’s not you.  You know that in an hour, in a day, in a week, you’ll feel differently.  The blanket will lift, and what was such a struggle will seem effortless again, or at least bearable.  You’ll be able to pick apart the threads, work out which don’t fit and discard them, and which you can work with, and you’ll start remoulding so that things look better.  Don’t look too far ahead – life’s shit and then you die, everyone knows that.  But amongst the shit there’s some good stuff, sometimes it even grows better because of the shit that feeds it and lets it grow, and you’ll miss all that if you just keep looking for the end, for what lies far away, and not what lies all around you.  We know the shit’s there – look for the good that’s there as well, focus on that, nourish it, do your best from day to day and your best looking ahead for those around you, and you’ll get there.

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