Still sitting here

No matter how often I feel I want to get back to writing, I still seem to indulge in anything but.

I’ve just been spending time looking through one of my old notebooks – the intention was to type up anything worth keeping, in order to get rid of the ring binder and save space.  Instead I’ve been distracted by story plans that must have been done when I was on one of these writing courses – it was definitely planned at the writer who wants to make money from writing – in fact it was one that guaranteed that if you got to the end of the course without earning your fees back in writing fees they would refund the payment.

I figured out the catch – first get to the end of the course. If you made it that far without making the effort and getting paid, then indeed you were unlucky or not very good at all.

Anyway, most of the plot stories are predictable and tame, but with the smallest hint of something that might be interesting to get into.  None are interesting enough for me to start writing them now though.

I guess my problem is that I’m not sure whether I don’ t get good enough at any one thing because I don’t stick at it long enough or whether I don’t stick at any one thing for long because I haven’t found anything that’s really worth the effort of getting deeper yet.

I know that my writing would improve if I made the effort and did it regularly.  The same with my drawing.  In both cases it would mean deliberately taking time out for myself.  Work is very time-consuming – there’s usually something else that I could be doing, whether it be marking, planning or general skills building.  I feel guilty about taking time out just for myself – so instead I waste time playing games, or sitting reading, or something else that occupies time without actually achieving anything positive.

Is this deliberate self-sabotage?  Do I need to learn to take time for myself, to recharge my batteries by doing something positively creative, or even something physical to keep myself fit?

Waffling again.  Wasting time again.  Someone please show me what there is that’s worth the effort of getting into, that I’m good at, and enjoy, and will willingly pour my spare time into. Because I sure as hell don’t know what it is.

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1 Comment

  1. Ooooo, errrrrr, not sure I have any constructive advice 😦

    For me, I think I said to you before, it was all about making a decision on only having one thing I enjoy doing, and concentrating on that one thing. I chose writing, and I don’t regret that decision. Because I’m focused on one thing, I devote any spare time I can to it 🙂

    Good luck hon xx

    Reply

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